Welcome to Mindful Living 101
You are not alone. You have a voice worth hearing. You have ideas worth sharing. You have a life worth creating. Even in the darkness in the solitary of the night. You are never alone.
I started my healing journey when I finally had the awareness ‘it’ (my life) was no one else’s ‘fault,’ but my own. Even my reacting to other people’s choices, I was still creating my life the way I wanted it. I wanted to suffer it seemed. Why yes, I did.
Far removed from those periods of dark depression, it is easier to talk about it and to stomach it. I was so good at being on the wheel of suffering; I didn’t even/couldn’t even acknowledge there was another way. The wheel of suffering?
I had a teacher on my journey, and she told our class one night, ‘you all have a choice. You can cycle this Earth on the wheel of suffering, or you can get off?’ What does that mean? I have a choice to cry and be sad and react? No, I don’t have that choice. I have over $25,000 in debt with no way to pay this down or off. I have a boyfriend who is an alcoholic, drug addict, and has stolen my credit card. (I found the credit card in the back of my toilet tank when the water kept running in the toilet and it wouldn’t stop. I can’t make this up.) What do you mean I have a choice?
It is easy for me to tell all you people out in cyber-space that ‘just change your attitude.’ It isn’t that simple is it? Because if it was really that simple to change our attitudes we would do it.
Now that I am married (not to the boyfriend who stole my money), how many times have I thought to myself, “I need to stop yelling at my husband as soon as he gets in the house. He just had a hard day at work. He is as tired as I am. He didn’t have anything to do with the four glasses of spilt something; the meat that wasn’t entirely thawed when I made dinner; the kid who bashed his own head after jumping on the couch. The pee on the bed when a diaper leaked. The ants that are incessantly taking over our kitchen…" I can go on. And, yet, my husband walks through the door, leans in to kiss me and my first comment is, “I need to finish this give me a second. Stop.”
What is that about? I already told myself to change my attitude. What happened? Life happened. This blog is about life. Real life. Welcome.
Life is scary, hard, blissful, challenging, exciting, and scary (I said that already, didn’t I?). My life happens to revolve around my role as a mother, a wife, and as a human being wanting to be separate from everything and everyone.
This blog is going to be real. I hope you will tune in to laugh, to cry, to learn, and to remember, ‘I am not alone.’ Life is a journey. A journey…that’s it. I don’t believe we have a life’s purpose per say. I believe if you recognize there is no BIG, GREAT THING we need to discover or learn, then we will actually START LIVING. And, the absurdity of this, is when we start living, we will be living our purpose.
Life is about relationships, about love, about experiencing. I mean as far as any of us knows, this is it. One life. One chance. One journey. So, let’s explore.
I am new to this blogging. I would like to set up a few agreements in terms of comments and feedback. My grammar and spelling is not going to be perfect. I am going to write as I think/talk. I might even make up words. If I mess up, I want to apologize now and not worry about it later. I also have no intention of insulting anyone. I am exploring my life and putting it out there for us all to learn to grow/heal/experience together. I ask for all who comment to be respectful even if differing viewpoints. Kindness and respect are key for me. Total agreement is not important.
Welcome into my life.
